A queen bee boss is a female leader who views or treats subordinates more critically if they are female. G.L. Staines, T.E. Jayarante, and C. Tarvis were the first to define Queen bee syndrome in 1973. A queen bee boss can feel like working for a grown-up version of the high school mean girl. However, due to their professional experience and network, they can more easily hold on to their power. Therefore, they can keep other women down.
Forty-six years later, more than two-thirds of women feel bullied by their female colleagues. Research conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute suggests 58 percent of bullies are female and that they choose women as their victims 90 percent of the time.
The queen bee’s most destructive behavior is to demoralize other women by undermining them or using their social stature to manipulate others into thinking less of them. Queen bee bosses have lasting adverse effects on individuals and entire organizations. Consequently, it is the biggest hindrance to the advancement of women in the workplace.
How to Cope with a Queen Bee Boss
Coping with a queen bee boss should be handled delicately. Because you don’t want to escalate the issue, keep your emotions in check. Also, lend your influence if you sense others are the victim of queen bee bullying.
It isn’t personal, and it isn’t you.
Remain objective about the situation. Identify what the aggressor was trying to achieve. If this was a one-time event what triggered the response? It is also worth noting, addressing the first event reduces the chances of it repeating. Be brave early.
Bees are attracted to honey, not vinegar.
Sometimes you are stuck with the queen bee boss. Grin and bear it and try to win her over. This tactic will require emotional courage. Most people reciprocate kindness. While the queen bee may not warm up to you, it inevitably will diffuse future situations.
Don’t respond with gossip.
Understandably you need support to deal with a queen bee boss. However, it is a bad idea to drag other co-workers into it. Furthermore, you never know where your co-worker’s loyalties are. Gossiping and complaining will reflect negatively on your character and could make you appear as a queen bee. Don’t lower your behavior to meet them where they are, instead, talk to friends and family. Take comfort in knowing you are the bigger person in the queen bee situation.
Confront her.
While not without risk, sometimes confrontation is unavoidable with a queen bee boss. Try a neutral space such as going out for lunch or coffee. Keep emotions at bay and stick to the facts. Remind her you are on the same team and working towards the same goals. You could say something like “I’d like us to have a stronger relationship. What can I do to make that happen.” As mentioned above, confrontation should occur at the early onset of queen bee boss behaviors.
Surface the issue.
There are times when the only way to handle a queen bee boss is to file a formal complaint. First, you have to have well-documented the issue. Second, keep the emotions at bay. Be prepared for a formal mediation session. HR personnel is trained to handle bullying at work and can help you navigate a queen bee situation. If all else fails, HR can help you transfer to another team.
Finally, make sure your boss is a queen bee and not a strong, confident woman. Often people mistakenly label women who exude confidence, demonstrate ambition, and have strong personalities. Mistaken labels are another hindrance to the advancement of women.
Remember the queen bee adult is a scared little girl who is lonely. They failed to connect with other girls and as a result, learned this unhealthy way of relationships. If you can break through their wall and form a connection, you can turn your queen bee boss into an ally and friend.
