Your boss yelled at you. We’ve all been there, and no one is exempt from the wrath of a bully boss. It is hard to know how to react, what you should say, and what steps you should take next. Even more, when your boss yells at you, and you aren’t in a position to leave your job, the situation can feel hopeless. How can you regain your self-respect after your boss yells at you? What steps can you take after your boss yells at you?
You don’t jump out of bed excited to go to work, only for your boss to yell at you in public. No matter how much money you make, it is never enough to have your boss yell at you. While it is normal to get emotional at work, there are limits to what is acceptable. Having a toxic boss who frequently yells at you is unquestionably not OK.
When your boss yells at you, it is demeaning, humiliating, and highly embarrassing. It destroys your self-esteem and your social standing among your peers and coworkers. As the adage goes, you can’t control how your boss behaves, but you can control how you respond and what your next steps are. Take the following actions after your boss yells at you.
1) Avoid escalating the situation by not yelling back to your boss.
The very worst thing you could do when confronted by a yelling boss is to yell back. Doing so only escalates the situation, and because they are the boss, they hold more of the power. You are the better person in this situation when you don’t add fuel to the fire.
As hard as it may be, maintain a calm composure and stay silent until your boss’s temper tantrum is over. Next, acknowledge what was said by summarizing to show you were listening. Usually, when your boss feels heard and understood, the situation deescalates.
The best way to regain your self-respect is by not giving your boss a reason to get angrier. Demonstrate you are the bigger person, the professional in the situation. While it isn’t fair to get yelled at when at work, staying calm will help you in the long run.
2) Seek understanding by getting the root cause
When your boss is yelling, you have to understand why before taking action. If you messed up, own it. Refusing to accept responsibility will only make your boss angrier. Standing your ground and being combative when you are wrong won’t help you in the long run. Letting them know you recognize your mistake and apologizing will deescalate the situation.
Yelling over mistakes is poor leadership. It creates a culture of fear of making mistakes. Furthermore, getting yelled at because you made a mistake stifles creativity, teamwork and lowers morale.
When you can’t find any evidence you made a mistake, try to understand what your boss is going through that caused them to yell. There are many reasons your boss might start yelling at you. Their boss is putting pressure on them, a client just yelled at them for non-performance, or their home life is out of balance. While none of these reasons justify their behavior, understanding the root cause helps you determine what to do next.
3) Explain yourself to help your yelling boss understand why
When your boss yells at you, it is critical to stay calm. But it would be best if you spoke up. Maybe your boss has misunderstood the actions you took or why you prioritized one thing over another. It could be that someone gave your boss a half-truth about a situation that made it appear you were slacking off. Again, no matter the reason, it is not OK for your boss to yell at you.
When you are ready to respond, don’t get vindictive, sarcastic, or petty. Keep to the facts of the situation. Be clear and to the point when explaining yourself to a boss who just yelled at you.
When you are direct in your communication, chances are your boss will calm down and meet you in the middle. Doing so will allow you to regain your self-respect, and it could strengthen your relationship.
4) Schedule a one-to-one
If your boss is yelling, they are likely overwhelmed with pressure and have become irrational about dealing with it. In the case of a bully boss, they like to make a public spectacle to entertain an audience or show their power and control. If you remove the audience, you remove their need to yell.
Diffuse the situation by calmly asking for a one-to-one to take the conversation offline. Make sure your boss is available before putting the meeting on their calendar, and try to schedule it as early in the day as possible. Chances are they aren’t so irritated earlier in the day.
The goal with the one-to-one is to work with your boss after they yelled at you. Work together to understand the underlying issues that caused them to lose control over their temper. Find common ground and solutions that will avoid a shouting match in the future.
5) Demand a public apology if your boss yelled at you in front of others
Bully bosses love to demonstrate their strength and power in public but will often come back to apologize in private. While an apology is a meaningful step and typically makes you feel better, public perception still lingers. Therefore, you should demand a public apology. After your boss publicly apologizes, accept it and forgive them.
If your boss declines or doesn’t follow through with the public apology, their ego is more important. Chances are you will never get the respect you deserve from that boss, which is good to know. It indicates your boss’s attack on you in public wasn’t personal.
When you ask for a public apology and don’t get one, you have two choices. First, you can take the issue up the ladder with the help of HR. Or, you can resign. There are no excuses for being treated disrespectfully. You don’t have to tolerate a boss who likes to yell. You deserve better.
6) Let it go and move on
It happened, your boss yelled at you. If you’ve followed the actions above and handled the situation, you have to let it go and move on—no whispering in the hallways, snarky remarks, or passive aggression. Doing so will only cause the issue to repeat itself, and that makes you the aggressor.
