Have you ever started a new job and someone tells you to watch out for so and so because they (insert any negative adjective). Sometimes badmouthing someone can happen in an interview where the hiring manager tells you about specific people’s deficiencies They are telling someone else’s story in an inappropriate way and it is a warning sign of toxic behavior. This off-putting information spreads and damages the other person’s ability to establish credibility and perceptions of their character are created. It is also a sign of a toxic company culture.
Let Them Tell Their Own Story
How someone comes into an environment is important. Letting people tell their own story in their own time and way improves the group’s ability to form as a team because unnecessary biases don’t form. People are able to freely get to know each other and make up their own minds. This happens by observing actions and listening to the person.
They Know Their Story Better Than Anyone
Their real story can only be told by them. They know what choices they had, and consequently made. Their understanding and ability to explain their story is their truth. They know what they live with every day. Let them tell their story, they know it better than anyone.
People Deserve an Unbiased Mind When Meeting Someone New
When someone shares the story of another, they taint the mind of the person they are sharing it with and are showing signs of toxic behavior. They create a doubt that makes it difficult for the other person to overcome. It is possible they would have filled a gap in the skill set of the team. Acting on other people’s badmouthing and negative talk will rob you of potentially knowing and learning from someone who could have helped you. You deserve an open mind when meeting someone new.
Don’t encourage active avoidance by badmouthing someone and showing a warning sign of toxic behavior. People you share the information with won’t take the time to get to know the person. They won’t make up their own mind about the value they may bring.
You Don’t Want Your Story Told by Others
Ah, the golden rule. You don’t want your story told by someone who won’t get it right. Be the example and stop the spreading of 2nd hand people storytelling. Do this by refusing to participate if someone tries to draw you in. If you witness it demonstrate leadership and redirect it. If you have to participate, take in the information but don’t act on it until you see the behaviors yourself.
Telling Other People’s Story is a Warning Sign of Toxic Behavior
Badmouthing other people is a sign of toxic behavior. At times you will be called on to provide assessments of people. However, what should be shared in these cases are only things you have witnessed with your own eyes or heard with your own ears. Furthermore, what you share should only be things you have tried to correct and where you have given direct feedback to the person on. Otherwise, don’t share it or suggest the person asking you talk with those who have experienced the behavior first hand.
It can be damaging to have a toxic person in your workplace or life. Even more so, when you are the toxic person. Toxic people are good manipulators and are highly skilled at getting people to like them. One of the main ways people try to get others to like them is to appear like they know everyone’s story. Know how to identify toxic people by understanding this warning sign of toxic behavior.
